If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
