We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
