dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
