I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need Xanax blowdarts
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
