I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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