i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
