I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
