I want to make a zoo with you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
