it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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