I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
