Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All the doctor said was why
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
