Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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