You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
