I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
