as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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