you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
