i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he shaved USA in his pubs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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