super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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