i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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