Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.