Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

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  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (906) Bad night (6386)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4768) Bad night (742)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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  (401): she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits. http://tfl.nu/xfwk
  Replies (33) Good night (1216) Bad night (6077)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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  (850): He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person. http://tfl.nu/yofm
  Replies (13) Good night (794) Bad night (4319)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
  Replies (13) Good night (6724) Bad night (1189)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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  (815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp
  Replies (19) Good night (7900) Bad night (1774)
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  (714): View more from California

  I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.

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  (714): I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom. http://tfl.nu/8p10
  Replies (19) Good night (3886) Bad night (1612)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
  Replies (17) Good night (2760) Bad night (825)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood

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  (+61): we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood http://tfl.nu/ba4y
  Replies (4) Good night (1252) Bad night (464)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.

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  (612): 4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break. http://tfl.nu/kp6i
  Replies (3) Good night (800) Bad night (529)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.

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  (850): That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving. http://tfl.nu/fvqq
  Replies (6) Good night (1448) Bad night (377)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  that was THE gayest party i've ever been to

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.

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  (336): that was THE gayest party i've ever been to (1-336): To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting. http://tfl.nu/c4g2
  Replies (3) Good night (1531) Bad night (428)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (828) Bad night (389)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him

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  (334): this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him http://tfl.nu/vg1j
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (383)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.

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  (401): Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house. http://tfl.nu/mj8z
  Replies (0) Good night (529) Bad night (286)

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