Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
