But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
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I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.