check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i now understand why vodka
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.