Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.