Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
