you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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