I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
