your parents love me but you hate me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
