I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Small penises have feelings too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
