Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
