He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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