we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
