When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
