She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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