The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?