why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.