there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ttyl tear gas
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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