i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?