Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
