where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
