he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
