I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
