she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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