On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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