We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
