I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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