i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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