Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
