Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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