i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
