I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
