I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
