Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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