It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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