that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
