Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
