my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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