Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
