If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
