she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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