i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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