Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
