Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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