Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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