Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
