I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
