I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
