dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
