your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
