the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
