You can't motorboat a personality
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
