I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
