No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize